do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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