She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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