If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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