and she was petting her beer can
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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