Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
