I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
