i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
