Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
