New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
