so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
