piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
