DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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