i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
