My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dicks are not precious.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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