So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
