11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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