Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
