There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
