So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
