So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She even gives head with a lisp.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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