you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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