If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize