I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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