Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I could fuck to npr.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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