Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
