How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
