I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You ruined the universe
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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