My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
