I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
