he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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