After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
