peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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