Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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