i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My ass is underappreciated
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
