I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
