I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
