are you still at the devil's house?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
