Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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