never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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