I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
