Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize