another moral hangover. fuck.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
