Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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