Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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