My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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