this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
