He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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