kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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