Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
