So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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