"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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