Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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