my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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