but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
