She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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