His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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