Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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