You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
