But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
