you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
