my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think my moral compass just broke
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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