You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
