If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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